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Dr. Shanita Brown Says Healing After Abuse Starts With Being Believed
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In a candid Sports Shop conversation, counselor and author Dr. Shanita Brown outlined how abuse can hide in plain sight—and why belief, accountability and culturally relevant support are essential to healing.
The most important conversation on Sports Shop was not about an All-Star ballot, a quarterback ranking or LeBron James’ next stop. It was Dr. Shanita Brown’s direct, deeply practical discussion of intimate partner violence and the work required to help survivors heal. Brown, a counselor, professor and author, came to the show on the anniversary month of her book, Healing and Thriving After Domestic Violence, with a message rooted in both professional research and lived experience.
Her focus was especially clear: Black women need resources that speak to their realities, and communities must stop treating abuse as a private matter that can be solved by simply enduring it. Brown described healing as more than leaving a harmful situation. It requires naming what happened, understanding the effects of trauma, rebuilding autonomy and making room for an authentic life beyond fear.
Abuse Is Often Hidden Behind Everyday Control
Brown explained that intimate partner violence is an umbrella term that can include domestic violence, sexual assault, childhood sexual abuse and sexual violence. At its core, she said, it involves one partner using tactics to maintain power and control over another. That definition matters because many people do not enter counseling believing they are in an abusive relationship. They may instead describe sleeplessness, communication problems, anxiety or the feeling that they are constantly walking on eggshells.
The warning signs she described can be easy for outsiders to dismiss if they are looking only for physical harm. Isolation from friends and family, repeated monitoring, verbal abuse, manipulation, gaslighting and financial control can all be part of the pattern. Brown recalled how what looked like a supportive college boyfriend picking her up became a means of separating her from friends and family activities. The lesson is not that every disagreement is abuse, but that fear and coercive control should never be normalized as love.
Why a Guide Centered on Black Women Matters
Brown said she wrote her book because she did not have a resource that spoke directly to her as a Black woman when she experienced relationship violence during college. Her guide combines research, her own experience and the lived experiences of research participants. That approach is meant to close a gap she sees in the available literature and to make survivors feel seen rather than treated as an afterthought.
She also challenged the belief that abuse happens only to a certain kind of person. Education, professional status, income and public image do not make anyone exempt. That point carries weight in communities where many women have been taught to be strong by pushing through pain. Brown’s position was that strength should not mean accepting fear, surrendering control of one’s money or staying silent to protect appearances. Support should include access to tools that help survivors regain agency, including financial literacy and counseling.
Churches and Men Cannot Remain on the Sidelines
Brown’s research has examined Black women survivors and the role of the Black church, pastors and faith communities. Her first instruction to those institutions was straightforward: believe survivors. She said some women are told only to pray, remain in the relationship or prioritize a narrow reading of marriage and divorce. But abusers can manipulate scripture, and leaders who have not been trained can unintentionally reinforce danger and isolation.
She called on faith communities to build safer, trauma-informed spaces by bringing in advocates, discussing domestic violence during health and wellness programming and recognizing awareness efforts such as Purple Sunday. Brown also placed a direct responsibility on Black men. Women cannot carry the entire burden of prevention and support. Men need to challenge harmful narratives around masculinity, call in other men, seek therapy when needed and model respectful relationships. Monitoring a partner through constant calls, demands for photos or videos, and inspections after an outing are not signs of care; Brown identified that behavior as a red flag.
What It Means
Brown’s framework rejects the idea that endurance is the highest form of strength. A survivor may need time, counseling, coaching, practical financial tools and a community that understands trauma. The work can be difficult and uneven, but she insists that abuse does not have to define the rest of a person’s life.
For the Sports Shop audience, the challenge is bigger than recognizing a crisis after it becomes public. Families, friends, congregations and especially men can help make safety, respect and accountability part of everyday culture. Believing survivors is the first step. Helping create conditions where they can heal, lead and thrive is the legacy work that follows.
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